Okukiliza, Suubi, OKwagala ....

I have talked a lot about how emotional this journey has been, and how lucky i have felt to be blessed with friends and family who are supportive. I have not shared enough about how thankful I am for the new people this journey has brought into my life, and those people are the fellow adoptive parents I have met or been in contact with. I had written an email last week to a fellow adoptive mom to thank her for her support and tell her how much i appreciate her advice. In her response she hit the nail on the head... as usual... when she said that one of the coolest things about being an adoptive parent is the opportunity to talk with other parents who "get it" or speak the same language. As supportive as my friends and family have been, it is sometimes just nice to talk with someone who has been there, and understands my emotions without me having to try and explain them. It is certainly not better or worse and i am so grateful for both but there is a difference between being empathetic to what i am saying and having been there too. In my experience, the adoptive parents i have met have gone above and beyond to help me in anyway through their words and actions without even knowing me well, or in some cases at all. For example, my new friend Deb who answers my million questions and talks me off ledges when i'm freaking out about the unknown, or the parent that I just talked about. And even the adoptive families at Pleasant Hill who have offered to help in anyway from taking my paperwork to be notarized for me, or just simply by asking and saying prayers. OR how about the Riley family who have visited Lola for me and opened their home to me while i am in Uganda AND have organized a TON of things before even meeting me in person! I am truly blessed by their kindness. Another example is from my school nurse who is a fellow adoptive parent. She put a packet of poems in my mailbox about adoption. She didn't know it, but they happened to arrive on a particularly anxious day when i was stressed ALL day about the many things out of my control. One of the poems stood out to me and I plan to share it with Lola someday when the time is right.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
the other you call mother.

Two different lives
shaped to make yours one;
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,
The second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love,
The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

One gave you up;
It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old questions through the years;
Heredity or environment ... which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling, neither;
Just two different kids of love.
~ Author unknown

This poem is another one of my favorites. I came across it one night when i couldn't sleep so i endlessly surfed the internet reading about adoption. I think it is awesome and truly says perfectly how i feel!

The Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
--- Unknown

Now that things are moving closer to a reality, i have been reflecting on my life. It is amazing to me the things that have happened that helped lead me to this moment. I truly believe that there is nothing in life that happens without reason. God has been preparing me for this from the time i was 2 and the only cabbage patch doll available was the african american one, to the summer school class with the student I LOVED who is VERY much like Lola, to going with Rajabu to school on his birthday and all the 1st graders asking why Rajabu's mom was white... AND i was totally OK with being his mom for the day. These are obviously big things but even little things like posts i read on facebook have the capacity to impact my thinking.

Like today's that my friend Kate posted that said ...

God has a purpose for your pain,
a reason for your struggles,
and a reward for your faithfulness.
Don't give up.

I read this when i was SUPER frustrated because i was trying to get my paperwork sent to Africa. I was in a BIG rush, and everything was stressing me out. I just wanted to cry because i realized that i needed some letters that i didn't have. AND in a panic i asked some VERY amazing friends who came through of course. I also got a text message from Hilary that reminded me to life by faith not by sight and that everything would be ok. WHICH she is right because after this experience, there is no way that i could NOT choose to believe this with all my heart.

SO to answer the BIG question everyone wants to know... am i ready to be a mom?? Nope... Probably NOT! BUT everyone i've talked to who is a mom already says that they weren't either so at least i'm in good company. I am certainly not naive enough to think that everything is going to be rainbows and sunshine but i am SO grateful for the experiences that have helped to prepare me for this, and the people God has placed in my life that i know i can count on when things are hard. AND YES ... i am SO excited to finally start this next chapter of my life as a mom to the most beautiful little girl who I love with all my heart.

SO these next two weeks, while i scramble to finish tying up loose ends at work and finalize plans to actually GET there for court... all i can do is rely on Okukiliza, Suubi, and OKwagala... or as we say Faith, hope, and love.