My journey to Lola for new visitors

Welcome new visitors to my story. Some of you may have time to look through all of my various blogs over the past 2 years to come to understand Lola and my story, and others of you may just want to be caught up to the now as your hearing about my pending adoption. Looking through my blogs may be more fun because there are tons of pictures and lets be honest thats what makes a blog more enjoyable. PLUS the fact that I could just look at her all day long SO i'm sure you would like to do that too ... but i may be bias. haha

Now you can choose, the photo journal by clicking on various blog entries to the right

OR

Continue reading for the nutshell (that i am sorry to say is not much of a nutshell because it is quite a LONG story to be honest! I tried to cut it down but she's worth the read Trust me! :)

Here we go...


In 2010, I felt like I was being called to go to Africa. There were a lot of things that were going on in my life and many signs that I felt were leading me to Uganda. I knew that the trip would be life changing, I just didn't know how. The trip certainly changed my life completely and almost turned it upside down... For a plan and reason that I believe is far bigger than me.

On June 24, 2010 I met a beautiful little girl who completely captured my heart the second she smiled. I had a strong connection with her the minute I picked her up. I had such an overwhelming feeling. What I know now, but didn’t know then, was that it was the first time I knew she was mind. She was lying on a crib mat in the corner at the orphanage while 20 or so other babies roamed around and played. She isn't able to join them due to cerebral palsy. The next week came and when we got to the orphanage, she wasn't there. I was beside myself. I have never experienced that kind of panic. I was running around looking in cribs for "my baby." After a LOT of questions to a lot of people I was able to find out that she had been taken to Katalemwa, the rehabilitation hospital for kids with disabilities. This was great news because I knew she would be getting some much needed therapy, but I would have to wait another whole week to see her.

Finally the Wednesday came that we were going to Katalemwa and I couldn't wait. The whole time I was waiting to find her my stomach was in knots. I could barely stand still and I was so anxious. We were in a building at the top of a hill. As we started walking down the hill, we heard a baby crying. I knew the minute that I heard it, that it was her cry and I knew exactly which building she was in. I have NO idea how I knew it was her, but I felt it in my heart and all I could think was to get to her and fix whatever it was that was making her cry. She was crying her little eyes out and before I knew it I was crying too. I talked to her and sat there until it was time for us to leave. When it was time to go, I was SO upset. I did not want to leave. I ran up the hill to find my friend Ivan because I was completely distraught that no one would check on her when I left. He works for Empower a Child and I knew he would let me know how she was doing when I was gone. When we got back, she wasn't in the stander anymore, she was lying on the mat. I scooped her up and held her so tight. I told her that Ivan was going to check on her and that even though the stander hurt it was good for her. I kissed her little face and laid her back down. I felt like I was leaving a part of my heart behind on that mat. As I walked up the hill and out the gate I cried my eyes out, all while Ivan was trying to tell me that she would be fine. He probably couldn't understand why this crazy white girl was crying so hard over a baby I barely spent time with. I completely understand that because I was asking myself the same question.

From the minute I picked her up I thought I wanted to bring her home, but then I thought you crazy person, you can NOT do that. I told myself, you're young, single, you can't adopt a BABY! I thought that I would come home and that it would get easier. But it didn't get easier, it got harder... every day. All I could think about was this face. What therapy she needed and wasn't getting. Who was taking care of her, was it enough. I found myself researching more and more about Cerebral Palsy and therapies that could be done. In October my friend Craig said that she had been sent back to the orphanage because the money for her to be at Katalemwa had run out. I picked up a tutoring job so that I could save money to send for her therapy. I found out from Wilson, the director of Empower a Child, that I could use the pay pal account to send the money and make sure that it got where it needed to be.

I spent a lot of time praying about whether I was supposed to adopt this little girl. I felt something different the minute I picked her up but could I really do it. I decided that if I was going to consider it, I had to go back to Africa to be with her. There was no way that I would be able to make this decision without spending more time with her. SO I decided that I would definitely be returning to Africa.

Around March, she was taken for an assessment at Katalemwa and found that she needed services however she was sent back to the orphanage because of chicken pox. I was a wreck. I checked my email everyday for updates. Finally great news came that she was better and receiving therapy. I was thrilled. She was learning to sit and communicate through eye gaze for yes/no. She doesn't know how to talk yet BUT if she can understand and communicate answers to yes/no that is a start! Things were looking good. THEN I got an email that she was in the hospital with Malaria and Pneumonia. This was the worst news ever. I cried probably everyday for a good 3 weeks if not more. I have never prayed so much in my life! I had about a million conversations with God about her. The thought of her being in the hospital, so sick, without anyone to hold her was more then I could handle. I checked my email frantically hoping for an update. I even checked my email when I knew it was the middle of the night in Uganda and I knew there would be NO email. I felt so incredibly helpless because there was nothing I could do. I wrote about her on facebook and was overwhelmed by the amount of people who prayed for her. I prayed for help for her to get better, and the strength and courage for me to know what to do. A very good friend of mine talked with me about it a lot. She knew I was contemplating adoption before I told anyone else... she was encouraging and supportive. She text me the bible verse Philippians 4:6-7 and told me to read it. Reading it when she was sick was helpful. I prayed for help because I knew if she got better, that I had to pursue adoption. After many prayers and what seemed like forever, I got the best instant message on facebook of my life. Felix messaged me to let me know that she was getting better and back to receiving therapy but she was incredibly sick and regressed tremendously. This was SO much bigger than me and if this was truly God's plan for me I knew I couldn't do it alone. I asked God for help because Adoption is SO overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. Reading Philippians 4 helped when she was so sick and didn't know what was going on, but I didn't understand it until a car ride home from church. When I specifically asked for help, I felt my anxiety wash away and completely content about my decision to adopt as a single parent. I was ready for it to be me and Lola vs. the world and not only was I ready, I was excited! That Sunday evening I googled adoption agencies in Illinois and found The Ark. I filled out an online inquiry and when I woke up the next morning I already had a response.

After a month of communication with the adoption agency I have been pre-approved to start the adoption process! At the end of April I had a meeting with the Ark to start the official adoption process. After my conversation with God leaving church that Sunday, the feelings of peace I had were enough to get me through everything right UP til the moment I was sitting to sign paperwork. THAT is when my anxiety shot through the roof. If the decision was strictly emotional, I would have brought her home already but I needed to make sure my ducks were in row to provide the kind of life I have planned for her in my head. My heart was 150 % in … but my head was where the trouble began coming up with ALL the reasons I couldn’t or shouldn’t or wouldn’t be good enough to do this.

The day that I sat down with the adoption agency happened to be the same weekend as my I-Challenge race in Champaign where I would be running a 5K Friday night and a half-marathon on Saturday. THIS would end up being a life changing piece to my decision. I prayed a good portion of the 2.5 hour drive down for a sign, or help, or something! I got that first sign at the end of my 5K race. I was privileged to watch an amazing mom push her adult son in a wheelchair across the finish line. She had pushed him for the entire race. This is something I would love to do with Lola. So while this could have been the sign I asked for, I chose to pretend that it wasn’t. A very similar sign to the one at my ½ marathon in Florida where I watched a mom run across the finish line holding her little girl who was wearing leg braces. I allowed my head to outweigh the feelings in my heart. However, as I have learned OVER and OVER again throughout this process, God will not take no and he will provide when you are unsure because the next sign came a little more obvious, and a LOT bigger… like a white Buick. Walking back to the car after my race, we were stopped rather abruptly by a white car that was backing up from a parking space, nearly hitting me. When I looked up, I saw the sign that was unmistakable… clear as day in the middle of the night, the license plate that said Lola. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! SO apparently God was looking to send a sign that I couldn’t miss, because had I missed it, I was going to be hit by a car. It was that moment that I knew for sure God was saying yes you can … despite your doubt.. do this.

About halfway through my time with her, I once again began to doubt myself. I was so overwhelmed with planning the future that I got too far ahead of myself. I was feeling stressed and confused. Once again I found myself asking God just what the heck I was doing and why was I there! I asked God for a sign that I was doing the right thing AND once again… God provides. I asked for a sign and boy did I get it. The next day when I went into her room at the orphanage, she looked right at me and smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen. A smile that meant I know who you are and I want you to come get me OUT of this bed. I will never forget that moment. From that minute on I stopped asking why me, and started believing why NOT me!

This little girl is the love of my life, and everything I never knew I always wanted. She has a captivating spirit in her eyes and is destined for greatness. She has brought so many positive changes into my life already and I cannot wait to have her home so that I can watch her grow and develop. Thank you SO much for reading and choosing to be a part of our story.