Expect the Unexpected became my mantra over the last month, along with an old favorite of, it is what it is. The unexpected is what happened EVERY DAY and the reason I did not update or communicate much while I was gone. The truth is that I couldn’t update my blog because I landed in Kampala to a complete and total whirlwind of unexpected events, and most days all my energy was spent trying to simply get through what came next. I consider myself a pretty flexible and adaptable person, however not even those personality traits were enough and I am pretty sure that this trip was the preparation for parenthood that I didn’t have from experiencing a pregnancy. Many of the things I had experienced throughout the waiting I was told were similar to what you go through while waiting to birth a baby, but the fight once I got to Africa I did not expect. I do not think it matters how you get your child, when they are involved everything bumps up on the emotional scale. Here is a brief summary of the month I spent in Uganda.
Everyday something new popped up that was not exactly what I thought would happen, or how I thought it would happen. The first week was extremely frustrating because I realized that nothing had been done to prepare my case for court. The reason I had just booked a ticket was because Keren said to me I needed to just come. When I bought my ticket, I didn’t think that I would have a court date however I received an email from my attorney about a date for the 26th and I allowed myself to have a sense of false hope a feeling that I learned QUICKLY to ignore out of an effort to protect my heart. The reality was that my first week in Uganda, I was running around trying to get everything that needed to be done taken care of, all the while having no idea what exactly I was doing. I originally had been told that I would be able to get Lola the day I arrived. However there has been a crack down on kids being released without a court order due to an increase in adoption cases that require further investigation into birth families. Sadly with international adoption a LOT of money can be made, and in a developing country money leads to corruption. SO there have been a significant amount of adoptions that happen without proper birth searches, as well as children who are adopted internationally when they have a family. With no system in place to support families other then babies homes, many families access them for temporary help while they get on their feet, and then return for their children only to find out that the paper they couldn’t read was actually them signing away their rights. WITH all of these issues being brought to light, the Ugandan government as well as other nations governments are looking into solutions, which includes closing the borders to international adoption. As a result of all of these things happening in the background, people are getting anxious. I am SO thankful that Keren told me to just go there because the Netherlands JUST closed international adoptions from Uganda, and from the things I learned over the last month, the US shouldn’t be too far behind.
Not being able to have Lola immediately was the hardest thing for me to adjust to because I KNEW that the babies home was not the best place for her to be with me being in country. She looked SO terrible when I arrived and I was truly worried that if I didn’t get her out of there ASAP, then she wasn’t going to come out at all. However, after running around all week trying to get the correct documentation for the probation officer, it became evident that I wasn’t going to get her out without the ruling anyway. So every day I would go to the babies home twice to spend some time with her both in the morning and afternoon. It was really challenging for me to be there because I felt like I had eyes on me the whole time. I didn’t want to overstep but at the same time ALL I wanted to do was overstep and take care of her. It was clear to me that the mamas at the babies home cared about her, they just weren’t sure how to properly care for her AND that was where the problems began. I will never be able to express the appreciation and love I have for the friends I have in Uganda because hanging out with them helped to pass the time and they are truly the only way I made it through. I was trying to do everything I could to enjoy myself in Uganda, because I love it there, but with everything up in the air it was hard to relax. Spending time at the café with Jayan or Sarah, bumming around Kampala with Collin, or hanging out at the EAC house were a VERY needed break from my frustrations and an amazing time. My saving grace aside from my friends were the Riley’s, who I stayed with. I didn’t ACTUALLY know them until I got there, aside from facebook chats and a pretty good character reference from my friend Deb. Little did I know what kinds of characters they would be!! Hahah. (PS – I KNOW you’re reading this my amazing British/Ugandan Mom!) I seriously don’t know what I would have done without Keren taking me for ice cream or a coffee on frustrating days, or just hanging out at the house laughing at Grace and Hope. There are no words to express my gratitude and love for what they did for us, and the amazing friendship that we developed over the past month.
WHEN we finally did get to court, once again the unexpected happened… I was told all along it would be easy and that the judge would make a quick ruling. SO not the case… The first problem was the cultural differences between westerners and Ugandans. I was SO grateful for my friends Jayan, Felix, and Sarah who came to court with us. Felix and Jayan are Ugandan, and Sarah is a Muzungu like me. From the Muzungu’s perspective it was going terribly. There was not a whole lot of affect going on with the Judge and the witness who took Lola to the babies home did not show up so the judge said that he would not make a ruling until he spoke to her. He ALSO asked me what I had done to prepare for this because it was a big commitment, and how did he know I wouldn’t change my mind. NOW, from a protective parent perspective that was good that he was looking out for her. I was totally caught off guard because seriously… who DOES that!! However, I did have some background knowledge about a family who raised a SICK amount of money online to adopt a child from another babies home in Kampala who has a disability and then when they got to Uganda, changed their minds and took home a healthy baby boy. So from a protecting Lola standpoint I can appreciate where the judge was coming from. BUT, I had to give him a handwritten response detailing what I had done and attempting to prove my sincerity. I wanted to write because I’m adopting, not leasing a car… BUT instead I wrote everything I have done the past year, as well as the events in my life that I feel have been God preparing me for being Lola’s mom. It was 9 pages long. Since the witness didn’t show up, the judge wouldn’t make a ruling, so I would have to wait… again… while I hoped and prayed that she would go see the judge and that he would rule in my favor. It was utterly crippling to wait because I didn’t think that he wouldn’t give me the guardianship, until I had to defend my motivation and preparation for parenting her. We walked out of the court room and Sarah and I looked at each other like that was SO Bad, and all the Ugandans said it was SO great, and he liked me, and all this stuff. WHEN all I was thinking was holy cow if that was GOOD…. I’d HATE to see what bad looked like!!! He told me that he would make a quick ruling once he spoke to the witness. My attorney said that it would probably be the same day. Here is a picture of my AMAZING support team waiting to go into court!
Monday the witness went to the courthouse. I was SO thankful!!! I wouldn’t allow myself to believe it was really happening until I physically saw them and KNEW that they were there. I chose not to go to court because Lola was a little under the weather and I just wanted to go hold her. Keren picked me up at the gas station by the babies home and we went to the Italian supermarket for a celebratory Ice cream. After court, I got a phone call from my attorney. I was expecting her to say that we got the ruling. It was May 7t,h and so I thought it was a perfect day since it was my cousin Jill’s birthday. HOWEVER, got the phone call that he would make a ruling on Thursday WHICH was not what I was hoping for… again. While that was true, most rulings take 1-2 weeks, so to have it in 3 days was better than that!!! That meant that I would get the ruling on the 10th, WHICH also happens to be Alannah’s birthday. SO we shared some major events on days with some pretty special people. I chose to go to N’Tinda to wait for the ruling because I wanted to be with my friends. I knew I would be checking the clock ALL day long and that if I went there I would be surrounded by amazing friends who would help pass the time. WHICH they did!! I got there and it was a sponsorship meeting day so I was able to see my sponsor kids which I loved. When they all left Jayan and I played SORRY, which is always entertaining. She literally cracked me up the whole time and I almost forgot to check my phone every 10 seconds! I also had wifi being at the house so I was able to text back and forth with Caron, which helped too. When the phone call came in, I literally felt like my heart was going to explode. I went on the back porch to speak to my attorney, who told me that the judge had ruled in my favor. My first question was can I go get my baby now, and she said YES! She told me that she would let the social worker at the babies home know. I got off the phone and the house went up for grabs!! Everyone was yelling and cheering and hugging me. It was SO unbelievable. We were SO loud that Sarah could hear us in her house up the hill and called my phone. I couldn’t finish a sentence, or a thought for that matter. I called my mom and told her that Lola was MINE… and then sent out some whatsapp messages, and took the longest time to be able to write a facebook status update. I got on a boda and went to get my baby!!!
Sarah and Godfrey met me at the babies home to help me take her home. I was SO thankful to have them there because they could help me carry stuff, AND get pictures for a book for Lola. They are such amazing friends and I appreciated them being there SO much! When we were leaving, I had to write a note saying that I was taking her because one of the mama’s said that since they didn’t have the guardianship order on file, I had to say when I was bringing her back. I don’t think she liked it when I said I am NOT bringing her back, she is legally mine! SO I wrote on the paper that I was taking her and would bring the guardianship order as soon as I had it. Walking out of the babies home for the last time was the best feeling EVeR! However, Nora, one of the mamas who LOVED Lola was so sad and it made me sad too. Godfrey got us a special hire taxi and it took us to the house. One thing I will NOT miss about Africa are the roads. It was a nutty ride but we made it. When we arrived Grace and Hope had made welcome back notes and cakes. It was SO great! When we walked in the gate Keren said a prayer thanking God for this moment actually happening! AND I was so glad she did because in that very moment, while there were still a lot of steps ahead of us, I felt SO blessed!
The first few days were really tough. Poor Lola had a LOT to adjust to, including acid reflux and some pretty bad stomach issues. We spent a lot of time running around Kampala and getting all of the things I needed to take care of done. Lola was a trooper! I guess that her life in the orphanage had prepared us for that moment in the sense that she really was used to lying in her bed all day, so she’s pretty laid back. However, she did start to learn pretty quickly that certain things got a response. She was AWESOME though!
Like learning to love the bath... which she did
Hanging out watching actual kids shows with her best friend Hope
Eating in a restaurant
AND actually being outside...
I also got to celebrate my first mother’s day. We went to Mish Mash, which is this really fun restaurant, and enjoyed a lunch outside after Church. It was SO nuts! I couldn’t believe I was actually celebrating mothers day, and it wasn’t to celebrate MY mom this time!! WELL … I mean we celebrated her too, but holy cow… I’m a MOM!
It was pretty much down to the wire whether or not we would make the flight home due to the visa. I spent a LOT of time at the Embassy. I was SO grateful though because when I finally had my interview, and all of my paperwork was turned in and accepted, I went into the little box to talk to the delegate and was told I don’t really have any questions for you. WHAT?!?! Are you serious! I was totally anxious for this … and you come out with THAT! NICE! I did get totally choked up when I had to sign some paperwork and I had to write Melissa Sender, Mother of Scholastica Namutebi. WHOA!! SO weird.. cause I was thinking do you think you should be letting me have a kid! Haha It all of a sudden became Very real … BUT I surely wasn’t going to tell HER that! She then went on to tell me that she had lived in Naperville and we talked about how she got her job and what other places she has lived. It was pretty ridiculous.. in a good way this time. Usually it takes 2 days to get a visa, but I didn’t have two days since i had to be on a flight. Luckily she told me that they would get it to me the next day. WOOHOOO… We were going home! However with all of the experiences over the past month, I wouldn’t allow myself to believe it until I walked out of that place WITH Her visa in my hand! AND the next day when I walked out that gate, the tears flowed! Keren and the girls picked us up! We had plans to go out to a nice dinner but the weather wasn’t great so we decided to hang out at home and order pizza. It was pretty good for what it was… but it was certainly not Chicago style. We KNOW pizza! The whole night I just couldn’t believe that it was my last night with this family I had grown to be a part of, and I was really sad! When I was finishing up getting my things together a woman who was also staying with the Riley’s named Hedda came home. She actually lives in southern Illinois. She is a social worker who works for Amazing Grace, the adoption agency what I have learned is the only adoption agency I would ever use should I adopt again from Uganda. They are VERY thorough with their birth searches and I would know for sure that my child was a true orphan. I was pretty much blown away listening to the things they were saying about what has been happening in Uganda with international adoption. All things I had NO idea about regarding the process and what is really happening for some kids. It was incredibly sad for me to hear some of the stories they knew of from their work. BUT it also came out that she knew Lola prior to me, and may have pictures of her from when she was younger so I will be emailing her. I wanted to stay up all night and listen to them talk but I had to go to bed because Christopher was picking us up at 5 to head to the airport. WHICH we over slept for, and thank goodness for the punctuality of Ugandans, because he was late too!!
BUT .... We were ON OUR WAY!!! We coudn't wait to get home but we will miss our British Ugandan family SO much!! There are NO words for how much we appreciate and Love them!!!
